As much as I want this blog to be click-bait unfortunately it is not. I find that when I am vulnerable, transparent, and call myself out the healing process seems expedited in some way.
It might be the fact that I am letting go, shedding and becoming lighter. It might be that I release the energy of shame and guilt, but who knows?
What I do know is that after this toxic trait was brought to my attention and I gained a new awareness for my actions I noticed the "pattern" showing up more frequent.
The moment I brought awareness to the "challenge" I was having the more that I saw it show up in my life. I was forced with the opportunity to recognize and grow from the experience or simply continue the visceral cycle.
Do you ever find yourself knowing what it is that you need to do? Knowing that you would be better leaving a relationship, asking for a raise at work, setting boundaries with family -- but choosing to ignore the obvious is a pattern that get's you nowhere new.
I am focused on being a better person, I also hyper fixate on helping others around me. I think that as a military child moving from place to place every some odd years gave me a sort or "camaraderie" attitude. I don't want to see anyone left behind or left out. I don't like seeing people that I love and care about do without when I have the capacity to help.
I am also open to the possibilities that it comes from an abandonment wound and remnants from my people pleasing days.
I felt so exposed when I was called out.
Let me share exactly how it happened now that I have you right where I need you....
A place of receptivity, a place to paint your own pictures with me.
As an artist I draw inspiration from almost any and everywhere but as a generator this "magnetic" energy is on a new frequency.
Anyway....
I called myself "helping" a friend out with their business as gift for their birthday. They discussed branding and leveling up their brand with me in a prior conversation that led to me initiating a photoshoot for their brand.
A few days before the photoshoot I gave them a call and they politely shared that this was "my vision" and not theirs and that they didn't want to do it anymore.
"Adi this is your vision not mine.... " those words echoed so loud for me because why was it so important for me to help them if they didn't want to be helped?
Why is it important for me to do that with anyone that I did that with prior to realizing that I was doing this thing?
My toxic trait is making you me. My toxic trait is taking on your challenge and problem as my own. My toxic trait was (see how we used a past tense word?)
trying to help people that do not want to be helped.
I am growing and recovering from blind spots so that I can radiate in my highest light when I am in community and fellowship.
I hope that this blog served you well. I appreciate you being on this journey with me, I am finding my voice and it's cadence and I am happy to be building right here with you!
xx Adi
Photography by : Matt Houge
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